DRUGS AND KIDS
LET THEM BE WHO THEY ARE… BUT WATCH WHAT THEY DO!
Abdullah Baniyameen
baniyameen@aol.com
July 1, 2009From The Complete Book of Baby & Child Care
LET THEM BE WHO THEY ARE… BUT WATCH WHAT THEY DO!
Keeping an eye on your kid is not taking away their freedom; it’s actually the best way to keep them away from Drugs.
Talk >> Know >> Ask >> Keep an eye on them… PARENTS, the anti-drug
DRUG-PROOFING YOUR HOME:
Drug abuse is so widespread in our culture that you cannot expect to isolate your child from exposure to it. You can, however, take specific steps to reduce the likelihood of contact with drugs and build your child’s immunity to using them. These measures should be ongoing, deliberate and proactive.
MODEL GOOD BEHAVIOR:
When it comes to drugs, two adages are worth noting: "Children learn what they live" and "What parents allow in moderation their children will do in excess." While not absolute truths, these maxims reflect the reality that kids look to their parents for cues as to what is acceptable behavior while at the same time they are developing the discernment required to understand moderation. If you smoke, your offspring will probably do likewise. But it’s never too late to quit, and your decision to give up cigarettes will make an important statement to all the members of your family.
If you consume alcohol at home, what role does it play in your life? Do you need to drink to unwind at the end of the day? Is it a necessary ingredient at every party or family get-together? If so, your children will get the picture that alcohol is a tension reliever and the life of the party, and they will likely use it in a similar fashion.
If you drink modestly — an occasional glass of wine with dinner or a beer every other week — think carefully about alcohol’s role in your family. Many parents decide to abstain while rearing their children in order to send an unambiguous message to steer clear of it. Others feel that modeling modest, nonintoxicated use of alcohol equips children and teenagers to make sensible decisions later in life. Each family must weigh the options carefully and set its own standards.
What about the medicine cabinet? If you are stressed, upset or uncomfortable, are drugs the way you spell relief? Have you accumulated prescription narcotics and tranquilizers that you use freely when the going gets tough? Kids aren’t blind. If they see the adults around them frequently taking "legitimate" drugs to dull their pain, why won’t they use their own drugs of choice to do the same?
BUILD DRUG-RESISTANT ATTITUDES:
THIS IS AN ONGOING PROJECT, BEGINNING DURING THE FIRST YEARS OF YOUR CHILD’S LIFE. SPECIFICALLY:
۩ Create an environment that consistently balances love and limits. Kids who know they are loved unconditionally are less likely to seek "pain relief" through drugs, and those who have learned to live within appropriate boundaries will have better impulse control and self-discipline.
۩ Instill respect and awe for the God-given gift of a body and mind—even one that isn’t perfect.
۩ Help your children become students of consequences, not only in connection with drugs but with other behaviors as well. Talk about good and bad choices and the logic behind them. "Just say no" is an appropriate motto for kids to learn, but understanding why it is wrong to use harmful substances will build more solid resistance.
۩ Build a positive sense of identity with your family. This means not only openly affirming and appreciating each member but putting forth the time and effort for shared experiences that are meaningful and fun. A strong feeling of belonging to a loving family builds accountability and helps prevent loneliness.
۩ Encourage mosque-related activities that build a meaningful personal faith. Reliance on God is the cornerstone of drug treatment programs, and it makes no sense to leave the spiritual dimension out of the prevention process. A vibrant faith reinforces the concept that the future is worth protecting, stabilizes the emotions during turbulent years, and provides a healthy response to the aches and pains of life.
BEGIN TALKING EARLY:
Because experimentation with drugs and alcohol commonly begins during the grade-school years, start appropriate countermeasures in very young children. A 5-year-old boy may not be ready for a lecture about the physiology of cocaine addiction, but you should be ready to offer commentary when you and your child see someone smoking or drinking, whether in real life or a movie.
KEEP TALKING:
Make an effort to stay one step ahead of your child’s knowledge of the drug scene. If you hear about an athlete, rock star or celebrity who uses drugs, be certain that everyone in the family understands that no amount of fame or fortune excuses this behavior.
Be aware of current trends in your community and look for local meetings or lectures where abuse problems are being discussed. Find out what’s going on—not only from the experts but from your kids and their friends.
All this assumes that you are available to have these conversations. Be careful, because the time when you may be the busiest with career or other responsibilities may also be the time your adolescents at home most need your input.
FIND TRUSTWORTHY ADULTS:
Don’t blindly assume that the presence of a grown-up guarantees a safe environment. Get to know the parents of your kids’ friends. Make certain your child knows you will pick him up anytime, anywhere—no questions asked—if he finds himself in a situation where drugs or alcohol are being used. And be sure to praise him for a wise decision if he does so.
COURAGE TO CONFRONT:
The epidemic of drug abuse spreads from person to person. Whether a recent acquaintance or a long-term friend, if one (or more) of your teenager’s friends is known to be actively using alcohol and/or drugs, you must put restrictions on the relationship.
Even with these limits in place, you will need to keep track of who is influencing whom. If your family is reaching out to a troubled adolescent and helping to move him toward healthier decisions, keep up the good work. But if there is any sign that the drug-using friend is pulling your teenager toward his lifestyle, declare quarantine immediately.
CREATE CONSEQUENCES:
Teenagers may not be scared off by facts, figures and gory details. Even the most ominous warnings may not override an adolescent’s belief in his or her own immortality, especially when other compelling emotions — such as the need for peer acceptance — are operating at full throttle.
You may improve the odds by making it clear that you consider the use of cigarettes, alcohol or illegal drugs a very serious matter. If your adolescent confesses that he tried a cigarette or a beer at a party and expresses an appropriate resolve to avoid a repeat performance, a heart-to-heart conversation would be more appropriate than grounding him for six months.
But if your warnings repeatedly go unheeded, you will need to establish and enforce some meaningful consequences. Loss of driving, dating or even phone privileges for an extended period of time may be in order.
PRE-EXISTING PROBLEMS:
Even in families that hold strong values and practice ongoing drug-proofing, there are no guarantees that substance abuse won’t affect one or more of your children. As you begin to cope with the chemical intruder(s) in your home, keep the following principles in mind:
Don’t deny or ignore the problem. If you do, it is likely to continue to worsen until your family life is turned inside out.
Don’t wallow in false guilt. Most parents assume a great deal of self-blame when a drug problem erupts in their home. If you do carry some responsibility for what has happened, face up to it, confess it to God and your family, and then get on with the task of helping your child.
PREPARING YOUTH FOR PEER PRESSURE:
TALKING WITH YOUR TEEN;
Peer pressure—it’s more than just a phase that young people go through. Whether it leads to pink hair or body piercing, peer pressure is a powerful reality and many adults do not realize its effects. It can be a negative force in the lives of children and adolescents, often resulting in their experimentation with tobacco, alcohol, and illegal drugs.
Parents often believe that their children do not value their opinions.
In reality, studies suggest that parents have tremendous influence over their children, especially teenagers. No matter the age of their children, parents and caregivers should never feel helpless about countering the negative effects of peer pressure. Here’s what parents and caregivers can do:
۩ TEACH YOUNG PEOPLE HOW TO REFUSE OFFERS for cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. Making children comfortable with what they can say goes a long way. For instance, shy children and adolescents might be more comfortable saying, “no thanks,” or “I have to go,” while those who are more outgoing might saying something like, “forget it!” or “no way!” No matter what approach parents choose, it is important for them to role-play peer-pressure situations with their children.
۩ TALK TO YOUNG PEOPLE ABOUT HOW TO AVOID UNDESIRABLE SITUATIONS OR PEOPLE who break the rules. Children and adolescents who are not in situations where they feel pressure to do negative actions are far less likely to do them. Likewise, those who choose friends who do not smoke, drink, use drugs, steal, and lie to their parents are far less likely to do these things as well.
۩ REMIND CHILDREN THAT THERE IS STRENGTH IN NUMBERS. When young people can anticipate stressful peer pressure situations, it might be helpful if they bring friends for support.
۩ LET YOUNG PEOPLE KNOW THAT IT IS OKAY TO SEEK AN ADULT’S ADVICE. While it would be ideal if children sought the advice of their parents, other trusted adults can usually help them avoid most difficult situations, such as offers to smoke, drink, or use drugs.
۩ NURTURE STRONG SELF-ESTEEM. Strong self-esteem helps children and adolescents make decisions and follow them, even if their friends do not think some choices are “cool.” Some ways parents can do this include being generous with praise, teaching children how to perceive themselves in positive ways, and avoiding criticism of children that takes the form of ridicule or shame.
DRUG USE: ALCOHOL
TALKING WITH YOUR TEEN ABOUT ALCOHOL;
For many parents, bringing up the subject of alcohol is no easy matter. Your young teen may try to dodge the discussion, and you yourself may feel unsure about how to proceed. To boost your chances for a productive conversation, take some time to think through the issues you want to discuss before you talk with your child. Also, think about how your child might react and ways you might respond to your youngster’s questions and feelings. Then choose a time to talk when both you and your child have some “down time” and are feeling relaxed.
Keep in mind, too, that you don’t need to cover everything at once. In fact, you’re likely to have a greater impact on your child’s drinking by having a number of talks about alcohol use throughout his or her adolescence. Think of this discussion with your child as the first part of an ongoing conversation.
And remember; do make it a conversation, not a lecture! Following are some topics for discussion:
YOUR CHILD’S VIEWS ABOUT ALCOHOL:
Ask your young teen what he or she knows about alcohol and what he or she thinks about teen drinking. Ask your child why he or she thinks kids drink. Listen carefully without interrupting. Not only will this approach help your child to feel heard and respected, but it can serve as a natural “lead-in” to discussing alcohol topics.
Important Facts About Alcohol. Although many kids believe they already know everything about alcohol, myths and misinformation abound. Here are some important facts to share:
Alcohol is a powerful drug that slows down the body and mind. It impairs coordination; slows reaction time; and impairs vision, clear thinking, and judgment.
BEER AND WINE ARE NOT “SAFER” THAN HARD LIQUOR:
A 12-ounce can of beer, a 5-ounce glass of wine, and 1.5 ounces of hard liquor all contain the same amount of alcohol and have the same effects on the body and mind.
On average, it takes 2 to 3 hours for a single drink to leave the body’s system. Nothing can speed up this process, including drinking coffee, taking a cold shower, or “walking it off.”
People tend to be very bad at judging how seriously alcohol has affected them. That means many individuals who drive after drinking think they can control a car—but actually cannot.
Anyone can develop a serious alcohol problem, including a teenager. The “Magic Potion” Myth. The media’s glamorous portrayal of alcohol encourages many teens to believe that drinking will make them popular, attractive, happy, and “cool.” Research shows that teens who expect such positive effects are more likely to drink at early ages.
However, you can help to combat these dangerous myths by watching TV shows and movie videos with your child and discussing how alcohol is portrayed in them. For example, television advertisements for beer often show young people having an uproariously good time, as though drinking always puts people in a terrific mood.
Watching such a commercial with your child can be an opportunity to discuss the many ways that alcohol can affect people—in some cases bringing on feelings of sadness or anger rather than carefree high spirits.
GOOD REASONS NOT TO DRINK:
In talking with your child about reasons to avoid alcohol, stay away from scare tactics. Most young teens are aware that many people drink without problems, so it is important to discuss the consequences of alcohol use without overstating the case. For example, you can talk about the dangers of riding in a car with a driver who has been drinking without insisting that “all kids who ride with drinkers get into crashes.” Some good reasons that teens shouldn’t drink:
۩ YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO AVOID ALCOHOL: Be sure to clearly state your own expectations regarding your child’s drinking and to establish consequences for breaking rules. Your values and attitudes count with your child, even though he or she may not always show it.
۩ TO MAINTAIN SELF-RESPECT: In a series of focus groups, teens reported that the best way to persuade them to avoid alcohol is to appeal to their self-respect—letting them know that they are too smart and have too much going for them to need the crutch of alcohol. Teens also pay attention to ways in which alcohol might cause them to do something embarrassing that might damage their self-respect and important relationships.
۩ DRINKING IS ILLEGAL: Because alcohol use under the age of 21 is illegal, getting caught may mean trouble with the authorities. Even if getting caught doesn’t lead to police action, the parents of your child’s friends may no longer permit them to associate with your child. If drinking occurs on school grounds, your child could be suspended.
۩ DRINKING CAN BE DANGEROUS: One of the leading causes of teen deaths is motor vehicle crashes involving alcohol. Drinking also makes a young person more vulnerable to sexual assault and unprotected sex. And while your teen may believe he or she wouldn’t engage in hazardous activities after drinking, point out that because alcohol impairs judgment, a drinker is very likely to think such activities won’t be dangerous.
۩ YOU HAVE A FAMILY HISTORY OF ALCOHOLISM: If one or more members of your immediate or extended family has suffered from alcoholism, your child may be somewhat more vulnerable to developing a drinking problem. Your child needs to know that for him or her, drinking may carry special risks.
DRUG USE: ALCOHOL
HOW TO HANDLE ALCOHOL AND PEER PRESSURE;
It’s not enough to tell your young teen that he or she should avoid alcohol—you also need to help your child figure out how. What can your daughter say when she goes to a party and a friend offers her a beer? (See “Six Ways to Say No to a Drink.”) Or what should your son do if he finds himself in a home where kids are passing around a bottle of wine and parents are nowhere in sight? What should their response be if they are offered a ride home with an older friend who has been drinking?
Brainstorm with your teen for ways that he or she might handle these and other difficult situations, and make clear how you are willing to support your child. An example: “If you find yourself at a home where kids are drinking, call me and I’ll pick you up—and there will be no scolding or punishment.” The more prepared your child is, the better able he or she will be to handle high-pressure situations that involve drinking.
At some point, your child will be offered alcohol. To resist such pressure, teens say they prefer quick “one-liners” that allow them to dodge a drink without making a big scene. It will probably work best for your teen to take the lead in thinking up comebacks to drink offers so that he or she will feel comfortable saying them. But to get the brainstorming started, here are some simple pressure-busters—from the mildest to the most assertive.
SIX WAYS TO SAY 'NO!’:
No thanks.
I don’t feel like it—do you have any soda?
Alcohol’s NOT my thing.
Are you talking to me? FORGET it.
Why do you keep pressuring me when I’ve said NO?
Back off!
DRUG USE: ALCOHOL
COULD YOUR TEEN DEVELOP A DRINKING PROBLEM?
Certain children are more likely than others to drink heavily and encounter alcohol-related difficulties, including health, school, legal, family, and emotional problems. Kids at highest risk for alcohol-related problems are those who:
Begin using alcohol or other drugs before the age of 15.
Have a parent who is a problem drinker or an alcoholic.
Have close friends who use alcohol and/or other drugs.
Have been aggressive, antisocial, or hard to control from an early age.
Have experienced childhood abuse and/or other major traumas.
Have current behavioral problems and/or are failing at school.
Have parents who do not support them, do not communicate openly with them, and do not keep track of their behavior or whereabouts.
Experience ongoing hostility or rejection from parents and/or harsh, inconsistent discipline.
The more of these experiences a child has had, the greater the chances that he or she will develop problems with alcohol. Having one or more risk factors does not mean that your child definitely will develop a drinking problem. It does suggest, however, that you may need to act now to help protect your youngster from later problems.
For example, if you have not been openly communicating with your child, it will be important to develop new ways of talking and listening to each other. Or, if your child has serious behavioral difficulties, you may want to seek help from your child’s school counselor, physician, and/or a mental health professional.
FROM ELEMENTARY TO MIDDLE SCHOOL BIG CHANGES THAT COULD INCREASE YOU’RE PRETEEN'S RISK FOR DRUG USE:
WHAT PARENTS SHOULD KNOW?
Just months ago he was the master of his universe, the envy of his younger schoolmates, so confident now that he was finally at the top of the elementary school totem pole. But that was then -- this is now. Now, the same child who thought he knew it all is learning his way around a new school, mixing with older kids, facing puberty, and, most likely, confronting decisions about drug use for the first time.
The truth is when kids make the leap from elementary school to junior high, their exposure to drugs increases dramatically. Recent studies show that one in 13 sixth graders have smoked marijuana. That figure jumps to an even more alarming one in five by the seventh grade -- an increase of nearly 300 percent.
What does this mean for parents of budding teens? Many parents have had "the talk" with their children. Others have yet to discuss the dangers of drugs with their child. Do it now. As parents, you do make a difference in your child's decision about whether to use drugs. Love, trust and recurring conversations about drugs and alcohol will help your child make the right choices in his or her new school and throughout the teen years.
Here are some specific tips for parents who want to help their children stay drug-free, courtesy of the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign:
Make clear rules for your kids and enforce them consistently.
Tell your kids you don't want those using drugs - ever.
Know where your children are at all times: who they're spending time with, how to reach them, and when they'll be home.
Praise their positive behavior.
Help your child learn ways to say no to drugs, so that when drugs are offered they'll know how to reject them.
Spend some quality time with each child individually at least once a week.
Open an ongoing dialogue about the risks of drug abuse, and the benefits of living a drug-free life.
Let your kids know the immediate effects of drug use, such as doing poorly in school or disappointing the family.
Model the behavior you want your kids to learn. Your kids pay as much attention to your actions as they do to your words. Your own drug use, including alcohol and tobacco, has an impact on your kids.
PEER PRESSURE:
Children, especially during adolescence, begin to spend a lot more time with their friends, and less time with their family. This makes them more susceptible to the influences of their peers. It is important to remember that teenage friends can have a positive influence on your children; you should therefore help them find friends that have similar interests and views as those you are trying to develop in your children, including doing well in school, having respect for others and avoiding drug use, smoking and drinking, etc.
During adolescence, children practice risk taking behaviors as they are trying to find their own identity and become more independent. This makes them very vulnerable to experimenting or becoming addicted to using drugs and drinking, especially if there is peer pressure to do so. Children who use drugs are also more likely to practice unprotected sex at an earlier age, have low self esteem, behavior problems, school performance problems, and depression.
It is very important to communicate with your child to help minimize their being susceptible to negative influences and prevent them from picking up bad habits. Teenagers whose parents talk to them regularly are at much less risk for experimenting with cigarettes, drinking and drugs.
Teach them how to avoid situations where drug use, drinking, or smokings are present and to minimize negative influences by choosing friends who also choose not to use these substances. You have a lot more positive influence over your children's choices, even when you are not physically around, then you think.
Other ways to minimize the influences of negative peer influences is to help her to have high self esteem, confidence, a sense of self worth, and to feel needed and loved by her friends and family.
A lot of the peer pressure that your adolescent children will be exposed to and be influenced by relates to external things, such as clothing and hair styles, taste in music, etc. It is not always important to insist that your child conform to your own ways of thinking, especially when it relates to these less important issues.
If your children are doing well in school, are not using drugs, drinking, or smoking and you are not having serious behavior problems, then it may be worthwhile to ignore some of these less important issues as your child tries to find her own identity. Creating power struggles over these issues are unlikely to change their attitudes and will likely create more problems.
There are other negative influences on your children, including the Internet, television, movies, video games, books, etc. You should monitor very closely what your adolescents are exposed to, to minimize the negative influences these things may have on them.
You should talk with your child if you think she is being negatively influenced by her peers to drink, smoke or experiment with drug use. Or you can set up an appointment with a medical professional with experience in dealing with adolescents with this problem. This professional can be your Pediatrician, a psychologist, counselor or someone else that your child can build a relationship with to talk about her problems.
PRETEENS AND PEER PRESSURE:
When your preteen first starts middle school they may be facing real peer pressure for the first time. Experimenting does happen at this age as these recently elementary school graduates want to fit in with the older crowd. Here are some things you can do to help your preteen be prepared for when they are asked to do something that they normally wouldn't.
BE THE FIRST TO SAY SOMETHING:
If you haven't talked to your preteen about drugs, smoking or anything else they could be facing because they haven't had to face that problem yet, TALK TO THEM! Don't avoid it until it becomes a problem, or you start to see "signs". Be proactive with your preteen.
ROLE PLAY:
Let your preteen be the one who offers you a cigarette. This will be an eye opening experience. Say no and keep saying no. When you preteen says, "I couldn't say that", ask them what they could say or do.
BEING 'RUDE' IS SOMETIMES OK:
Let them know it is ok to avoid people who are trying to get them to do something they do not want to do, even if it is an old friend.
LET THEM MAKE YOU THE SCAPE-GOAT:
Tell your preteen that there is nothing wrong with using you as an excuse. Saying, "My mom would be so mad!" to a friend who is trying to get them to smoke is a perfectly good enough excuse to get out of the situation.
BE AVAILABLE:
Be ready and available should they need to come to you with questions, thoughts on a situation, even. Even if your teen didn't make the right choices, you can help them with the next time the situation arises.
WARNING SIGNS OF TEENAGE DRUG ABUSE:
Please note that even though some of these warning signs of drug abuse may be present in your teen, it does not mean that they are definitely abusing drugs. There are other causes for some of these behaviors. Even the lifestage of adolescence is a valid reason for many of them to exist.
On the flip side of that, do not ignore the warning signs of teenage drug abuse. If six of these signs, (not all in the same category), are present for a period of time, you should talk to your teen and seek some professional help.
SIGNS IN THE HOME:
Loss of interest in family activities,
Disrespect for family rules,
Withdrawal from responsibilities,
Verbally or physically abusive,
Sudden increase or decrease in appetite,
Disappearance of valuable items or money,
Not coming home on time,
Not telling you where they are going,
Constant excuses for behaviour,
Spending a lot of time in their rooms,
Lies about activities,
Finding the following: cigarette rolling papers, pipes, roach clips, small glass vials, plastic baggies, remnants of drugs (seeds, etc).
SIGNS AT SCHOOL:
Sudden drop in grades,
Truancy,
Loss of interest in learning,
Sleeping in class,
Poor work performance,
Not doing homework,
Defiant of authority,
Poor attitude towards sports or other extracurricular activities,
Reduced memory and attention span,
Not informing you of teacher meetings, open houses, etc.
PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL SIGNS:
Changes friends,
Smell of alcohol or marijuana on breath or body,
Unexplainable mood swings and behavior,
Negative, argumentative, paranoid or confused, destructive, anxious,
Over-reacts to criticism acts rebellious,
Sharing few if any of their personal problems,
Doesn't seem as happy as they used to be,
Overly tired or hyperactive,
Drastic weight loss or gain,
Unhappy and depressed,
Cheats, steals,
Always needs money, or has excessive amounts of money,
Sloppiness in appearance.
STAYING INVOLVED IS WHAT YOU DO BEST WAY TO KEEP KIDS OFF DRUGS. TURN OFF THE TV, UNPLUG THE PHONE, TALK POLITICS, AND SHARE SOME SECRETS…
TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM…
THEY’LL BE A LOT LESS LIKELY TO GET HIGH TODAY…
HONESTY: THE ANTI – DRUG:
Your kids ask if you ever used drugs. What do you say? You want to be honest because you love them and respect their intelligence.
It’s a very difficult question. But remember, the issue isn’t your past. The issue is their present and future. How you respond is entirely up to you (Perhaps tell them when they’re older.)
What’s important is that your kids understand that you don’t want them to use drugs.
Studies show that parents who give their kids clear rules and reward for good behavior are far more effective in keeping their kids off drugs than those who don’t.
THC IN MARIJUANA:
This where THC comes from; THC is the active ingredient in marijuana. It looks the same today as it did in 1960. The difference is how much of it is in marijuana today. Pot today is often grown hydroponically and can be genetically altered to produce more THC in each plant. The production of marijuana is a commercial industry that in many ways has created a drug much different than it was in the 1970’s.
SMOKING MARIJUANA IS HARMFUL:
The younger you are, the more harmful it is;
Research has shown that people who smoke marijuana before the age of 15 are 7 times more likely to use other drugs than people who don’t smoke marijuana. Studies also show that people who did not smoke marijuana by the time they were 21 were more likely to never smoke marijuana.
-Office of National Drug Control Policy Partnership for a Drug-Free America-
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